Dealing with Chronic Hay Fever

If you a chronic hay fever sufferer and its spring/summer time, chances are you are sneezing away and your eyes look like you haven’t slept in ages.

Some may wonder, what is hay fever? Doesn’t it mean your allergies are revving up? Here is a little information on the symptoms of hay fever and what it actually means.

Hay fever is a type of allergy- often including grass, pollen, trees (basically all the outdoor goodness that comes with the nice weather!), dust mites and molded spores. These irritants cause sneezing, itchy/red/irritated eyes, sore or itchy throat/nose/ears, loss of smell and often taste, sweats, headaches, and facial pain caused by blocked sinuses.

I have been a hay fever sufferer ever since I was little. I remember when I was a little girl watching The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe (great movie!), walking into the kitchen and started inconsolably crying because my eyes burned and my face felt like it was on fire. I went to the doctor who said I have pretty severe allergies.

I know, I am very lucky that this is where most of my ‘health issues’ lye, and I know it could be worse, it doesn’t mean that someone with chronic hay fever, or allergies, doesn’t suffer.

My eyes swell to the point of not being able to see and the blood vessels in my eye are all popped so it looks like I have pink eye. My eyes are often crusted shut so I have to walk to the bathroom blinded (gross, I know) to get the gooey and crusty junk out. Followed by never being able to breathe through your nose because it is so blocked, and walking around in a daze all day because of the head pressure.

No, I am not throwing myself a pity party. I am just here to explain that hay fever and allergies can be debilitating at times.

Think about it. When you have a common cold, this is often how you feel. Its miserable.

Since I have dealt with hay fever for a long time, I have tips that I hope help you in dealing with your allergies.

1. Take an allergy medicine everyday (make sure your doctor is aware!) I have tried almost every allergy tablet out there, and not much worked except Benadryl which knocks you for a loop and leaves you feeling drowsy. After trying everything out there, I finally found something that worked. Zyrtec. Everyone is different, so find what works for you. Without fail, I take it every night before my allergies kick in.
2. Check the pollen count daily I have an app on my phone called weather by weather bug (there are a few good apps out there!) and I check the pollen count before I start my day so that I know what I need to pack for work, or whatever activity I am doing including  my eye drops, Tylenol for headaches, tissues.
3. Shut the windows. I know this is SO HARD, especially in summer because who wants to stay cooped up when the nice weather is finally here? BUT, when the pollen count is high and people are cutting their lawns- I know that leads to me having a really rough, usually bedridden day with warm clothes over my eyes or ice packs.
4. Tea Bags. Yep, weird I know. If you take a regular black tea bag and soak it in warm water for a few seconds so that the tea absorbs the water, lay the tea bag on the swollen part of your eye for a few minutes. It soothes the eye and draws the swelling out.
5. Eye Drops. I use eye drops prior to the tea bag. Play a song or two and take the tea bag off. I use natural drops because you can use them as many times as you need to and they do not burn.
6. Wash your hair if you are going to have an outdoor outing. This should be a given, but I am one who does not wash her hair daily because it isn’t necessary. BUT, if you are outside, chances are a lot of the irritants outside are going to be in your hair.

I hope these tips help you have a sneeze free summer! I know being stuck inside on a nice day can be miserable, so hopefully you find these useful!

How do you deal with chronic hay fever or allergies?

Love ❤

I know the answer, so why am I longing for my eating disorder?

For a very long time, I asked myself this question; and now I know the answer. Even though the benefits of recovery by far outweigh being in my eating disorder, I find myself missing it more and more, longing for it to be a part of my life again. I am sure it is partly grieving the loss of a loved one, my grandma (my rock), recently. Partly adjusting to adulthood and working a full-time job. Trying to find out who I am and what I enjoy outside of work.

This question, I have been trying to answer for YEARS!

When I seriously delved into recovery (after several years of attempting recovery), about a year ago today, life became so much easier. Easier in the fact that I no longer had to plan my life around my eating disorder, walk the distance to my classes without being absolutely winded. I would no longer fear taking a shower and have my heart rate go insanely high that I would black out getting out of the tub. I would no longer have to worry about driving and passing out, or passing out in general. My family would enjoy being around me again, instead of cry every time they left my side. No more fights with my treatment team. No longer feeling broken and  merely existing, being in so much pain that you wished you would finally die, and not wake up in the morning. Fearing a horrible death. Would it be cardiac arrest? Would if be getting into an accident after passing out at the wheel?

Yes, it was a HARD ass fight, but I knew what the future would hold and I wanted it so much.

What have I learned about life?

 

What have I accomplished?

• I am no longer afraid to exist in a room full of people, feeling as though I am taking up too much space.
• I graduated with my Masters in Occupational Therapy, and work at a facility that I love.
  • I have grown a sense of humor, and find the positives in pretty much everything, rather than be a robot
• I found my voice, and have been great at using it: sassiness or compassion- I got it
• I know that I am worthy of love and worth the effort of recovery and happiness
• My relationships have blossomed and I can be trusted again
• I am not afraid to take chances anymore and all the ‘what-ifs’ have dissolved for the most part
• I can think of a future, without having to revolve my future around having to go to treatment. I can live the way I want to
• My chances of becoming pregnant are higher now!
• I enjoy going out and don’t have 10/10 anxiety and immediately want to cancel plans as soon as I make them
• I am alive and healthy for the first time in so long

There are so many more aspects of life that have gotten better, but this is a start to what recovery has given me.

So yes, even though I want my eating disorder back in my life, I do not NEED it and my thoughts do not have to become actions.

xo, Kell

PS: You can find me on Instagram @ keepsakes_of_kelly (the link is at the top of my page!)

 

Challenging challenges

Hey everyone! Long time, no post.

Life went from dull to hectic in the matter of a week. I started my new job as an occupational therapist and tomorrow I am wrapping up my first week. I would love to describe my first week as wonderful, fun, and full of confidence- but, I can’t.

I would describe it as-
challenging as heck, hectic, exhausting, anxiety provoking, lonely, and emotional.

I had this all planned out. I would go to work, take a yoga class or maybe go for a walk daily, make dinner, read, take a long bubble bath. Fit in all my calories without a problem. I would create a ‘perfect’ routine that would fit inside this box and I follow it to a tee.

This week was the exact opposite. It was tough. I feel stupid that I struggled this week. Why was it so tough?

I am not perfect, and I have quite a ways to go before I am the therapist I strive to be. I have never been challenged too much academically or professionally; and I have always strived and achieved excellence. So even admitting that I am struggling with the challenges of my career is challenging in itself.

After a lot of tears today, I realized I am given two choices. I can stick to what I know, be comfortable, have less anxiety, and be an ‘okay/average’ therapist. OR. I can push myself every day to go out of my comfort zone in order to be the best therapist humanly possible for my patients which will include being uncomfortable, feeling challenged on a daily basis- BUT knowing it will not last forever, and accepting that it will take time to get used to a new job AS A NEW GRAD. Nobody expects me to waltz in and know everything in my first week, or heck even my first month. But I expect that from myself.

I choose the second option, without a second thought! I know with hard work I will get to where I want to be professionally.

What I can’t forget though is this. Even though I am super stressed sometimes (not always) it is NO excuse in the slightest to give in to urges to self sabotage and not take care of myself. My intake has been slacking. My body is deprived of sleep. I am not really doing much self-care. And this, my friends, is what we call a slippery slope which can ultimately lead to a relapse.

Right now, my eating disorder sounds really good. I feel alone, but I need to remind myself that is just an illusion in my head, and that I have support. I want my best friend back to give me comfort and security. But I need to remind myself that my eating disorder only tells me lies.

THAT is the last thing that can happen so I need to get myself together. A relapse is the last thing I (or anyone) needs.

What I wish I knew then..

Sitting here, typing this post, I did not know how to start my introduction. Now though? All I can say or think is “would I have gone down the road I did if I had known the full reality and consequences of having an eating disorder, both the horrific aspects as well as the side over the rainbow?”

I’ve gone through a lot of the facts given to me in my head throughout the years and I know years ago, there was a lack and gap of information on eating disorders. When I developed an eating disorder, in the 90’s (Oh my gosh, that makes me feel old!), all we learned about was: dangerously underweight teen girls who wanted to be thin, who wanted attention, girls who come from rich families and have the utmost pressures put on them, it was a vanity issue… all of the stereotypical information you probably hear today.

Looking back, I wish there was more emphasis and information on not only the long-term complications from years of self destruction, but the other side- the side that can come after suffering a long battle that one only tries to comprehend.

The information that I was told, stuck with me, even if I didn’t believe it would happen to me. I am not sure if this is why the long-term effects of eating disorders were not bothered with, because I would not listen, or if there just wasn’t enough research done at the time. Or it could be a mixture of both.

Regardless, I think it is so important for sufferers to know that it doesn’t matter how long you suffer, or how severe the behaviors you are using are (purging, restricting, exercising, etc), you can permanently damage your body in the long run.

More importantly, I wish we were educated on the life ‘over the rainbow’. It is called recovery.

I developed in eating disorder at 12 years old. By the time I was 14, my family found out. However, it wasn’t until 10 years or so after the fact that I realized there was some issue. Maybe depression or anxiety. When I stepped into the office of my first therapy appointment (that I had made), little did I know my life would forever change.

Going into that appointment, I did not know what would arise. But, I most certainly was not expecting to get diagnosed with bulimia. When I was told I had an  eating disorder, I was in denial. At the same time though, I thought by going to weekly therapy, doctor, and nutrition appointments all of these thoughts in my head would come to a halt. It would all stop and I would move on.

One weekly appointment turned into a year of weekly appointments and I still wondered why I was still purging and struggling with this demon inside my head. I was so closed off. So numb. I did not know what to think. If I had an eating disorder, what was its ‘opposite.’ To every bad, there was good. To every high, there was low. Sick and healthy. Cold and hot.

It seemed like there was no light at the end of the tunnel. What would come after suffering from an eating disorder?…

After a year of constant appointments, I was being pushed to attend a partial hospitalization program. When I thought “why am I going to this program?” My honest to God answer “eat and not puke.”

The doctor told me “Just go to this program for five weeks and that should be enough time. Then you can return to school.”

Was this program going to fix me?

I did not think that I would emotionally feel better by going to this program because I did not see how my eating disorder connected to my emotions. And I was most certainly not prepared to see my life unravel so rapidly.

Nobody ever talked about this foreign word RECOVERY. What IS recovery? What does it look like? How does this all tie together? I AM SO CONFUSED!

All I heard about when it came to eating disorders was you stop or you die. But if you stopped, you did not hear the term recovery. Girls went to hospitals to gain weight and then they were discharged- miraculously ‘better’.

What I wished someone told me

1. If you seek help for an eating disorder, find a licensed professional who specializes in eating disorders. General practitioners (most, anyway), health coachers, personal trainers, and others in the health field are NOT equipped to treat a serious psychiatric condition. Make sure the professionals are seeking treatment from are following evidence-based practice (eg. CBT, DBT).
2. One day will not make or break your recovery. One slip (one time purging, for example) does not mean you are in a full blown relapse. It is an indication that you may be headed for a slippery slope. Know your signs that you may be on a path  to relapsing. This chart is useful [found on Pinterest].
3.  One day, one meal will not change your weight. Recovery is not all or nothing, black or white. Although, it generally seems this way. Something I ask myself, “is this choice/meal/etc. going to make a difference in my life five years down the road? That one day, or that one slip- reflect on it and learn from it, but do not dwell on it or you will drive yourself crazy! Here is a little story.I spent seven months in treatment facilities (PHP/Residential) my first round of treatment as there were quite a few. After being discharged, I had a difficult meal with my friends and purged afterward. I went to my dietician the next day sobbing that I relapsed and had to go back to treatment. I did NOT relapse. I had a slip. I asked for help and moved forward. Don’t be too hard on yourself!
4. Speak out. Everyone has a story. My little blog and my Instagram have been so influential in my recovery. It made me realize I am not alone. It helped me stay accountable. I have met some wonderful people. You don’t have to talk about your eating disorder. When I first started my Instagram- I had NO intent whatsoever to go public about my mental illnesses, but it has been one of the best decisions I have made. You never know who is visiting your social media. Some of the individuals I have met have been my biggest inspirations.
   
5. No matter how despondent you may feel, no feelings are bad. Wherever you are in life, or in your recovery is a process and it is not a linear one. Do not be embarrassed or afraid to ask for help. People care. You are so loved!

I hope ya’ll know there is another side to an eating disorder. It IS possible to recover. It may be difficult and downright painful, but I promise you- recovery is beautiful.

What does recovery mean for you?

xo,

Kelly

 

Healthy Living

Hi everyone.

Sorry I have been MIA- I have been in bed with influenza A. Yes, flu shot and all, I found a way to get two different flu’s.

Anyways, I thought it would be appropriate to blog about ways (some of which are new to me) in which you can try to stay healthy. I won’t get into too much detail because my OCD will be the one talking. These are all strategies that I have learned from countless presentations (being in the health field) and from doctor’s.

1. Obviously number 1 is wash your hands. Sing happy birthday two times before you think about rinsing those hands.
2. Clean underneath those nails, or better yet, keep them short. Lord only knows what gets underneath.
3. Clean the face of your phone!
4. Skip the pretty scents from Bath and Body Works (sorry ladies). Hand sanitizer is only effective if it contains 60% or more alcohol. Purell has 70%! 🙂
5. Change your tooth brush every 3 months. If you are sick, throw it out immediately after. During the duration of illness, I usually boil water to clean my tooth brush.
6. Cough/sneeze into your elbow, not your hands. This is the most proven method to prevent spreading those germs.
7. Vitamin C! Emergencee is awesome. It has 1,000 mg of Vitamin C. I just started taking this and it tastes like fizzy OJ!
8. Rest up.
9. Wash linens and bedding, blankets, stuffed animals- anything you snuggle with.
10. If you have body aches and pain, soaking in an epsom salt bath really helps!

So those are my 10 tips to stay healthy. What are your tips and routines to stay healthy?

Xo,

Kelly

 

To all my pen pals..

Hey everyone!

This post is to all my loves who I have been in contact with me via instagram about being pen pals!

Since I have made this commitment, life happened. I had mentioned to a few that packages I sent were sent back to me because of incorrect postage. These packages will be sent out on 2/22/17- I PROMISE! I am going to make a list below of who I will be sending mail out to tomorrow and who I sent mail to because some live in different countries.

There are no duplications of your names, so I am going to put your first names.

Packages/Cards WILL be sent on 2/22 to:

Shannon, Sarah, Bekki

Mail HAS been sent on 2/17 to:

Maria

In the works and hoping to mail out by 2/22 OR 2/25:

Emily, Jesse, Katelyn, Meg, Sam

I love that ya’ll want to be pen pals! I hope this doesn’t sound rude- but, I am sending everyone a letter who has contacted me. Part of being pen pals is writing back. I will continue to write to you as long as it is a two way street only because it gets $$ and well, how do I get to know you better? I want to get to know ya’ll!

Also, PLEASE text me or DM me to let me know you have received your mail!

Love,

Kelly

 

 

Top Five’s

Hey everyone! I have a few topics that I eventually want to get to, but it is almost 2 am so I thought I would do a lighter post!

Top 5 Snacks:

1. Nut filled cliff bars
2. Greek yogurt, preferably noosa
3. Fruit- frozen pineapple and grapes
4. Toast with pb and naner coins and chia seeds
5. Ice cream- cookies n cream is probably my favorite!

Top 5 Buys at Trader Joes:

1. Roasted Seaweed
2. Chicken tenders
3. Veggies
4. Mango waffles
5. Dark chocolate peanut butter cups

Top 5 Favorite Stores (products/accessories/clothes):

1. Charming Charlie
2. Maurices
3. Loft
4. Express
5. Francescas

Top 5 Makeup Products:

1. Pixie Glow Mist
2. Covergirl matte foundation
3. Beauty blender
4. Blush
5. Loreal lash blast mascara

Top 5 Favorite Songs/Artists:

1. Rachel Platten
2. Sia- Chandelier
3. Pharrel- Happy
4. Adele
5. Titanium- Madilyn Bailey

Top 5 Movies:

1. Inside out
2. An Officer and a Gentleman
3. Pretty Woman
4. Harry Potter
5. An Affair to Remember

Top 5 Books:

1. Tuesdays with Morrie
2. Appetite of Girls
3. Buddahs Brain
4. Keep Going
5. Harry Potter Series

Top 5 Restaurants:

1. Cheesecake Factory
2. Sun
3. Kostas
4. Ashkers
5. Chipolte

Top 5 Coping Skills:

1. Talk to Jesus
2. Read a book or go to a book store
3. Take a bath with my new Arbonne bath salts
4. Look at pictures of my family
5. Yoga

I hope you enjoyed my top 5’s! What are some of your top 5’s?

Love,

K

Connections

Heyy everyone!

This post was not intended , I actually came up with some topics that I have put a lot of thought into. But, I will save those for another day!

This post will be about connections.

In the past six months or so I have felt so incredibly empty. I felt sad. I felt alone. I am sure most of you have been in this place at some point in your life.

I didn’t want to see anyone. I didn’t want to go anywhere. In fact, the thought of leaving my house was absolutely terrifying. It’s not that I didn’t want to- I couldn’t! Going out seemed like a long tunnel with no light at the end.

These past two weeks have felt different. I think the biggest reason being that I have been reconnecting with old friends and connecting with new friends. Throughout my recovery (especially in the beginning!), my friends and I were at pivotal points in our lives- graduating college, traveling, moving away, starting families. This caused a large gap in between times we have talked, or hung out. Looking back, it makes sense! I was putting my all into my recovery, and they were putting their all into what was important to them. While I was growing in my recovery, they were growing in other areas.

Coming out of treatment, or just focusing less on my recovery (because I am rocking it!) I needed to remind myself that the world did not stop while I was in treatment. I felt like everyone had moved on without me and I didn’t fit in anywhere . In reality, I don’t think people knew how to respond to the new me (or the healthier version of the old me). That is just an assumptiom though.

Now, those friendships are growing  (again) stronger and stronger. I don’t feel like an outsider anymore, quite opposite actually. I enjoy being around my old pals and look forward to our future endeavors together. Whether it be going to see Beauty & the Beast at a theater, or flying to London to meet up with an old bestie.

I finally realized that just because my friends don’t text me everyday, doesn’t mean they hate me. Actually, they have make me feel so so loved! As we are growing older, we are spreading our wings and following our dreams. We have A LOT going on! It’s exciting though because now we are sharing these experiences with one another!

So the times we spend together, or the snap chats and texts we send one another, remind me how special these relationships are and how much I am loved.

xoxo,

Kell

 

What is there to live for?

This is a question I go back to when I find myself wanting to toy with the slippery slope of having a relapse. Even when these things do not seem very meaningful in the moment, when I dig deep- I KNOW they matter to me! When all I can think about is my eating disorder, it is so hard to find meaning in anything which is why I believe it is important to have a ‘go to’ list of reasons to live when you are feeling like you cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel.

What is there to live for?

Family- I know that no matter where I am at in my recovery from ALL mental illnesses, no matter how hard I try to make my loved ones hate me, no matter what tactics I pull- my family will always love me. They may not agree with my actions, but they can separate my illnesses from me- Kelly. The real Kelly loves, she sees the good in everybody, she always has a shoulder to cry on and a hand to hold. She wants to save the world. She wants to advocate for those who are silent. No matter how much my mental illness can mask the real Kelly, this is what will always lie underneath- and everybody that knows me knows this about me!

Being a mom- this has been a huge topic lately with my family and friends, now that I am at the age (28.5) where it is typical to get married and have kids. It is starting to feel even more real that this could be a possibility in the next few years after some serious conversations (no I am not going to go get pregnant NOW, but in the next 2-3 years, it could be a possibility…but this is for another post). I never saw myself baring a child, but now… I cannot wait to carry a human being inside of me and I hope that I have the ability to have a child.

What else is there to live for?

Getting dressed up to go out, and actually feeling pretty.

Watching my two beautiful nephews grow up.

Finally living my dreams of advocacy for mental illness and changing peoples lives as an occupational therapist.

Being present.

Enjoying a glass of wine or hard cider at the end of the day as a I kick back or take a bubble bath.

Laughing until my belly hurts and smiling so much my mouth hurts.

Allowing myself to be touched or intimate and feeling comfortable.

Going against routine without anxiety.

Grow closer with Jesus.

What do you live for?

xoxo,
Kelly

 

February Intentions

Hi everyone!

Today is day two of my scripture intention plan for February , and I switched it up. Now I am doing a Courage Scripture Writing Plan.

Actually, let me back up! I decided that for the month of February I am going to set a few basic intentions to help fill this void I have deep inside of me. I am not quite sure what is causing it, but I thought I would set a few intentions that have brought fulfillment into my life over the past year.

Intention #1: Yoga

On Sunday, I am going to sign up for a five week yoga beginner program. Now, I am by no means new to yoga, and as much as I would love to jump straight into power yoga right now, that is not where my body is at, and that is okay! I have to accept it. Of course, ed has tried playing his tricks on me by saying I am too fat and unhealthy to get through such an intense class. This is FAR from true! From an occupational therapist persective, I would tell any of my clients to ease into something that could potentially cause harm to your body if you move too quick into something so intense. I am no different!

So my intention is to take between 1-2 yoga classes per week. Once I finish the ‘program’ I will reassess where I am at. No biggie. I am not doing yoga for any other reason than I enjoy it. It gives me peace. It allows me time to just be. It helps me stop the vicious cycle of self-criticism.

Intention #2: Courage Scripture Writing Plan

In the past year, my faith and my relationship with God has grown tremendously. At church, sometimes I feel like the sermon is being spoken directly for me to hear. I talk to God every day, and look to him for guidance. However, I want to understand more. I want to spend more time with him. Which is why I am setting this intention.

Part of today’s scripture  (2 Corinthians 12: 9-10 states:

“…for my power is made perfect in weakness…for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships..in difficulties.  For when I am weak- then I am strong.”

What I took from this- the weakest part of my life can become the strongest part of my faith; power is made perfect in weakness.

This has resonated with my recovery from mental illness like you wouldn’t believe (okay, you probably would believe if you have been there). At the weakest moments in my life, I turned to God because I had nobody else. However, I did not think he was listening after resenting him for ao long, all while believing that I was suffering as punushment. When I started to talk to God, I realized that he has been with me throughout all of my hardships . When I was weak, God was the one picking me up enough until I had the tiniest piece of strength inside to begin fighting for my life. When I had that glimpse of hope again, my power became so strong as well as my faith. If it weren’t for my weakness, that burning fire inside of me would never have been found.

Love,

Kelly